Thursday, February 6, 2014

The last day of "First"

Today my baby boy turned one.  One whole year old he turned today.  It was a year of firsts; First breath, first laugh, first Christmas, first steps and a monumental first birthday.  We’ll celebrate with our extended family on Saturday, but last night was just a celebration with our little family. 

Sure I wanted to do more. Like actually make a homemade dinner like I did for his two sisters.  A special dinner just for him.  But truthfully, mama was tired and had a searing headache and Bobby wasn’t feeling too well either.  So I fed him some crunchies (his favorite right now) and some of his baby food.  The rest of us got Mexican takeout and he shared my mini chimis with me. 

His sisters played with balloons that I am prepping for his party and tried and tried to steal and successfully play with one before I took them away.  I was afraid one would pop in his face and take out an eye or something.  Like that would really happen, right?  Why not just let the little guy play with something that makes him so extremely happy?  Well he did manage to sneak to the other room and pop a balloon in his face.  He didn’t cry but Bobby still ran over to retrieve the rubber parts before he ingested them.  Ok, so there is danger.

After dinner we all gathered around an iced cookie with a single candle in the middle and sang to him.  He got to eat the cookie and he devoured it.  He shared a little with Julianna.  Bella wasn’t a fan of that kind of cookie so she passed.  Then we settled in to watch some brainless TV and snuggle.  I fed him a bottle, that thankfully he let me hold for him, and I sang him Happy Birthday quietly and then You Are My Sunshine.  Just like I had on the night he was born.  And just like on the night he was born he closed his eyes and settled into my arms and I could feel him at peace.  Then the doorbell rang!

We had a surprise visit from the grandparents who came to wish him a Happy Birthday and to show me some incredible pictures of Bobby on his 1st birthday. Let me tell you. I would not know the difference between the two.  Little Robert looks so much like his dad.  It warms my heart. 

He got his first hair cut today.  Bobby took him to his long time barber and introduced Robert to Barber Shop!  Bobby said he sat there biting on his lollipop and just let the woman cut his hair.  Such a good boy.  And like all first baby boy haircuts, he instantly turned into a little boy.  He sent me a 
text of the after and I started tearing up.  My little baby now a little boy. 

I write this day down in detail because I don’t want to forget our last day of a “first” birthday.  Robert is my baby and he’s also my last baby.  He is my only boy and the only one of my babies who still preferred mama to dada after six months.  He loves when I sing to him.  Especially “You are my Sunshine.”  It quiets his cries almost every time.  He loves to bury his face into my shoulder or neck.  I can feel him take in my scent and it makes me hug him tighter.  He loves to follow his sisters around when they play.  When they are sent to bed, he crawls into their room and tries to play with them by their bedsides.  He is starting to say “mama” or something that sounds like “mama”.  He only says it when he is crying for something, but I’ll take it!  He is walking almost entirely now.  Very rarely will he crawl.  Yet, he hates walking in shoes.  He prefers to go barefoot I guess like most babies learning to walk.  He loves food.  He eats almost everything we eat.  When he is sleepy he likes to cuddle up with his blanket, just like his sisters.  He is a one year old.

A few nights ago he did not want to lie in his crib and this is unusual for him.  He actually likes his crib so I knew this was a special circumstance.  So I took him back to bed with me and we laid there looking at each other and he giggled.  Then he reached out gently and put his hand on my cheek and smiled.  He melts me.  We had a quiet moment right before he turned one and I’ll cherish that. 

 These three kids challenge me every day and I am often frustrated. Then in one instant, completely in love again.  Motherhood is changing for me now.  I have a four, two and one year old and I have to learn to be a mom all over again.  Baby motherhood seems easier now.  You bathe them, feed them, change them and play and love on them.  Now there are many questions asked all day long that I have to answer carefully.  There are extreme tantrums that sometimes come in two different directions and I don’t know how to attend to both simultaneously.  Now, there is a lot of guilt on my end.  But I’m learning to change and grow into this toddler stage of motherhood.  I want to be a mom they can look back on and say, “How did she make things so fun all the time and manage to keep us clean and fed?”  I’m not quite there yet.  I fall short on many things.  But I’m learning.  I’m learning and changing. 

Thank you to my babies who make my life challenging with unexpected days.  Thank you for your hugs and laughs and your “I love you” moments.  Last night was a last of the first birthdays for our little family. 

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