Our Bella-rina girl

My first born, my little mama, my baby girl, my daughter, the one who made me a mama first.  Isa is so many things to me.  I miss the days when my sole responsibility was to make sure she ate, diaper was changed, she was smiling and breathing.  Those were long and solitary days.  I was left at home alone with a tiny baby for 24+ hours at a time.  But, I relished in it.  I remember taking her for walks and pushing her on the swings and dancing crazy for my audience of one.  She got a kick out of me looking like a fool.  She is my photogenic baby.  She has always been a fan of the camera.  My smiley baby.

She is going to be four soon.  Not quite yet a big kid and not quite a baby or toddler.  She is in that in between stage.  Still needs mama and daddy for encouragement and reassurance but independent enough to put herself down for a nap and pick out her own clothes. 

I love sitting back and watching her navigate herself in this world.  She has been taking dance lessons since last October and I have to say that Saturday mornings at 11am is possibly my most favorite hour of the week.  I look like a cheschire cat peering into the dance class window.  She is with "her people."  Little girls and one grown woman who love to put on tiarras and spin in tutus and wave magic wands in the air. 

I was never a dancer.  I was a bulky and clumsy athlete.  I never had the poise and fluidity that I envied in my older sister, Jessica the dancer.  I never could grasp the concept of rhythm and my body does weird things that my mind is unaware of.  So this new world of dance is like looking into a foreign country.  Everything is so new and exciting and a bit overwhelming for me.  But to be in it with my Bella is so alluring. 

Since October she has been outside her comfort zone of her family.  She is socializing with people who aren't her cousins, though she still sometimes thinks they are her cousins.  Because with a big family like ours, well, let's just say Bella meets a lot of cousins!  She's growing up this year.  Like really growing up. 

She is identifying her own interests and not what I think should be her interest.  This feels like one of those pivotal stages where I could really screw up parenting or I could really make an impact in her life.  I need to be careful of my actions and mindful of what she hears me say.  I'm shaping my little girl each day and it's damn scary!  But, she's a good kid.  She has a kind, so kind, core. 

Here are a few pictures of her year: Enjoy.

Another Father's Day, 2013

Happy Father's day to a great example of a husband and father.  Bob, I'm so happy (and lucky) to watch you be a father. It suits you! Here's to you!!!!




Bob 2013 0001 from Annette Gomez on Vimeo.

Time has passed

Quite some time has passed.  I'm on a new adventure now.  A mom to not only two, but three.  A mom to not only girls, but a little boy too. 

This is him. His name is Robert. A big name for my little man.  He is named after a man I love with all my might. His daddy.  Bobby and I argue back and forth who he looks like. He says he looks like me.  But when I look down into his eyes I see my love, looking back at me through those teddy bear eyes. 

He coos and looks for me now.  Already four months old.  He's learned to roll from his back to his stomach.  And I missed it.  I thought it would be easier this time around.  Missing those milestones that only a mama and daddy can appreciate.  I thought it would be easier because this is my third and I should be used to these tiny milestones...and used to missing them.  But i'm not used to it.  He's my third, but just like with each of his sisters, I tear up a little because I missed it.  It doesn' get easier.  And I'm happy it doesn't.  I'm happy to feel the same excitement I felt when Isabella hit her rolling milestone.  Excitment and melancholy at the same time.  Melancholy because he is growing every day and I am missing those tiny (and big) pieces of his day.  Work. ugh! I hate you and I love you, work.

I have a son.  I have a little boy to love. 

 Thank you, little man. Just for being born.  We love you so much!

It's a him

Doctor says i am to have a boy come Valentine's day.  A little cherub for our family to welcome into our love web and embrace him as we did each of his sisters before him.  He'll be our little man and i already have visions of baby girl #1 and baby girl #2 fighting for his attention.  Hopefully my vision of each of them holding one of his arms and tugging will not come true!

They already kiss him and whisper "Love you's" and Isabella affectionately calls him "My little dodo!"  As in "Hiiiii my little dodo!!!"  "I love youuuu my little dodo!"  The other day, she and i sat down and watched Alice in Wonderland.  When the Dodo bird appeared her eyes got super big and she whipped her head around to me and asked, "Is that what my baby brother looks like?"  Did i mention she thought she invented the word "dodo?"

Julianna sneaks over to me and looks up into my eyes and i know what ther eyes are asking me, "Pull up your shirt mama, i wanna kiss him again" and then she lays one on my stomach and runs off before anyone can see her.  I think she would like it if even i didn't see.  As if she wants that moment to be just between her and little brother.  She's learning to say his name and it comes out like this: "Obb-ert"

Yes, we are naming him Robert.  No he will not be a junior as his middle name will not match his dad's.  His middle name will be Carlos.  Perfectly fitting in with the naming of our other two kids.  Naming him after our family members, Robert (his dad) and Carlos (my dad).  He will be our little man indeed!  Already caring such a mature name for just a wee little one.

And just like with the previous two, i hold him close at night (even if a big belly is in the way) and whisper to him how much i already love him.  I was nervous when i was pregnant with Julianna.  I thought, "how will i love another as much as my sweet baby girl Isabella?"  But my heart grew to encompass the love i have for our second born.  Another phenomenon us mothers perform!

Pumpkin Carving

The night before Halloween after work, Bobby and I threw a little pumpkin carving party for the girls.  We invited Bobby's parents and his sister Ginger and family over.  Ginger brought hot chocolate and marshmallows and Bobby's mom made us all chili beans! It was amazing.

There was a lot of rushing around to purchase the pumpkins after work.  I was a little frustrated when i went to the store and they told me they were out of the pumpkin carving sets.  "Oh well, i guess we'll just use our steak knives" thought went through my head.  Like with all little things we do for our kids, i stress out and make little hiccups more of a problem than they need to be.

My house was a mess so i had to do a quick sweep before everyone arrived.  Thankfully, Bobby was picking up the kids for me and like the gem that he is, he found a pumpkin carving kit at another store! Love him.

As were carving the pumpkins, little Julianna (my little destructo) is fishing in the pumpkin guts and getting messy.  So i freak out a little again but then calm myself down because, hey that is half the fun right? Playing with those pumpkin guts!

At the end of the night, we had three pumpkins carved out of 7 and my precious Isabella tells me, "Mama, today was good day!"

And that right there makes all the running around worth it!  Love my girls and adore my husband.  And thank goodness for great in-laws who make every event so special!  Happy Halloween all!

Mama to two girls

Mama.

It was a daunting thought to me when i first read that positive on the pee stick.  I thought, "seriously? already? we only tried once! I agreed to start trying but i didn't think we would get so lucky. Can i really do this?" And i did and I am still doing it.

Some days i feel like a great mom, MOST days i feel like a shitty mom.  I don't spend enough time with my girls on the floor reading books and playing with their toys.  I don't take the time to pull out all my crafty items for Bella and Jules to create something.  I just can imagine the clean up and think, "gosh i'm so tired. maybe another day." I feed them, bathe them, and clothe them.  I hug them, kiss them, and hold them.  I tell them how much i love them and then I'll scold them for being too out of control. What's wrong with me on these days?

My girls are funny.  They are spunky and loud.  Bella isn't shy in the least bit and Julianna takes her time warming up to you.  She's leery, making sure you are someone she can really let loose around.  My girls know how to play.  They laugh with each other, mostly fight with each other.  And i'll sit back and look at them and think how darling they are.  But then i realize just that, I am just sitting back. Not in the mix, not down on the floor with them.  Not running crazy around the house chasing them.

I need to do better.  I need to be more active.  I need more ENERGY!!! Seriously, i always feel soo tired.  I put little effort into anything that has to do with me.  I don't work out anymore, my hair hasn't been blow dried or straighten in over 6 months, and half the time i run out of the house without looking in the mirror and i wonder what i'm wearing.  I love seeing those mom's that look like they have it all together.  I know everyone has their own deamons, but damn! The make it look easy.  Their hair is done, make up is perfect (I went 2 weeks without it once) and they look fantastic.  Like they spend their whole day in the gym.

I have to come to terms with the fact that i don't look like i used to ten years ago.  I am only 28 but i look like a tired old hag.  Even my husband made a comment the other day, in a nice way of course, "Hey I saw a picture of you when you graduated high school and you looked like a baby!" All i heard was, "Wow its only been ten years and you look tired, haggard and fatter!"  These are my own deamons i need to work past. I know that.  But what the hell happened in the last ten years? Really 5 years: I saw a picture of me when i graduated college and thought, "Was that only 5 years ago?"

My life shifted in a way i didn't think would until i was in my 30s, if ever.  But i love it. I love my girls and  most days i don't care if i don't do my hair.  But its those days that it does get to me that stings.

I wish i could be that mom.  Put together with little craft items for my girls to go at while we are out at restaurants.  Spending 2 hours in the gym before i work my full time job and then come home to make my family a home cooked meal.  Play with their dolls, read 2 books and have them bathed and in their beds before 8:30pm.  How do these mom's do it?  Tell me, is there a drug i can take?  Does this even happen anymore?

Ah, someday, my family. Someday i will have my shit together.

Julianna's Jabbers

• Dis (For "this" or any  other word she doesn't know how to articulate yet)
• Uuuuh-Oooh (when something falls)
• Beelll-uuhh (When she's looking for Bella around the house)
• Pup-pup (for puppy or Bruno specifically)
• Boh-no (for Bruno)
• Papa!!! (for food. we call it pa-pa)
• Des (sounds like "Dis" but means yes)
•  I do! I do! (she wants to do everything on her own now)
• Wooowww!

She is a doll and we love her so much!