It's a him

Doctor says i am to have a boy come Valentine's day.  A little cherub for our family to welcome into our love web and embrace him as we did each of his sisters before him.  He'll be our little man and i already have visions of baby girl #1 and baby girl #2 fighting for his attention.  Hopefully my vision of each of them holding one of his arms and tugging will not come true!

They already kiss him and whisper "Love you's" and Isabella affectionately calls him "My little dodo!"  As in "Hiiiii my little dodo!!!"  "I love youuuu my little dodo!"  The other day, she and i sat down and watched Alice in Wonderland.  When the Dodo bird appeared her eyes got super big and she whipped her head around to me and asked, "Is that what my baby brother looks like?"  Did i mention she thought she invented the word "dodo?"

Julianna sneaks over to me and looks up into my eyes and i know what ther eyes are asking me, "Pull up your shirt mama, i wanna kiss him again" and then she lays one on my stomach and runs off before anyone can see her.  I think she would like it if even i didn't see.  As if she wants that moment to be just between her and little brother.  She's learning to say his name and it comes out like this: "Obb-ert"

Yes, we are naming him Robert.  No he will not be a junior as his middle name will not match his dad's.  His middle name will be Carlos.  Perfectly fitting in with the naming of our other two kids.  Naming him after our family members, Robert (his dad) and Carlos (my dad).  He will be our little man indeed!  Already caring such a mature name for just a wee little one.

And just like with the previous two, i hold him close at night (even if a big belly is in the way) and whisper to him how much i already love him.  I was nervous when i was pregnant with Julianna.  I thought, "how will i love another as much as my sweet baby girl Isabella?"  But my heart grew to encompass the love i have for our second born.  Another phenomenon us mothers perform!

Pumpkin Carving

The night before Halloween after work, Bobby and I threw a little pumpkin carving party for the girls.  We invited Bobby's parents and his sister Ginger and family over.  Ginger brought hot chocolate and marshmallows and Bobby's mom made us all chili beans! It was amazing.

There was a lot of rushing around to purchase the pumpkins after work.  I was a little frustrated when i went to the store and they told me they were out of the pumpkin carving sets.  "Oh well, i guess we'll just use our steak knives" thought went through my head.  Like with all little things we do for our kids, i stress out and make little hiccups more of a problem than they need to be.

My house was a mess so i had to do a quick sweep before everyone arrived.  Thankfully, Bobby was picking up the kids for me and like the gem that he is, he found a pumpkin carving kit at another store! Love him.

As were carving the pumpkins, little Julianna (my little destructo) is fishing in the pumpkin guts and getting messy.  So i freak out a little again but then calm myself down because, hey that is half the fun right? Playing with those pumpkin guts!

At the end of the night, we had three pumpkins carved out of 7 and my precious Isabella tells me, "Mama, today was good day!"

And that right there makes all the running around worth it!  Love my girls and adore my husband.  And thank goodness for great in-laws who make every event so special!  Happy Halloween all!

Mama to two girls

Mama.

It was a daunting thought to me when i first read that positive on the pee stick.  I thought, "seriously? already? we only tried once! I agreed to start trying but i didn't think we would get so lucky. Can i really do this?" And i did and I am still doing it.

Some days i feel like a great mom, MOST days i feel like a shitty mom.  I don't spend enough time with my girls on the floor reading books and playing with their toys.  I don't take the time to pull out all my crafty items for Bella and Jules to create something.  I just can imagine the clean up and think, "gosh i'm so tired. maybe another day." I feed them, bathe them, and clothe them.  I hug them, kiss them, and hold them.  I tell them how much i love them and then I'll scold them for being too out of control. What's wrong with me on these days?

My girls are funny.  They are spunky and loud.  Bella isn't shy in the least bit and Julianna takes her time warming up to you.  She's leery, making sure you are someone she can really let loose around.  My girls know how to play.  They laugh with each other, mostly fight with each other.  And i'll sit back and look at them and think how darling they are.  But then i realize just that, I am just sitting back. Not in the mix, not down on the floor with them.  Not running crazy around the house chasing them.

I need to do better.  I need to be more active.  I need more ENERGY!!! Seriously, i always feel soo tired.  I put little effort into anything that has to do with me.  I don't work out anymore, my hair hasn't been blow dried or straighten in over 6 months, and half the time i run out of the house without looking in the mirror and i wonder what i'm wearing.  I love seeing those mom's that look like they have it all together.  I know everyone has their own deamons, but damn! The make it look easy.  Their hair is done, make up is perfect (I went 2 weeks without it once) and they look fantastic.  Like they spend their whole day in the gym.

I have to come to terms with the fact that i don't look like i used to ten years ago.  I am only 28 but i look like a tired old hag.  Even my husband made a comment the other day, in a nice way of course, "Hey I saw a picture of you when you graduated high school and you looked like a baby!" All i heard was, "Wow its only been ten years and you look tired, haggard and fatter!"  These are my own deamons i need to work past. I know that.  But what the hell happened in the last ten years? Really 5 years: I saw a picture of me when i graduated college and thought, "Was that only 5 years ago?"

My life shifted in a way i didn't think would until i was in my 30s, if ever.  But i love it. I love my girls and  most days i don't care if i don't do my hair.  But its those days that it does get to me that stings.

I wish i could be that mom.  Put together with little craft items for my girls to go at while we are out at restaurants.  Spending 2 hours in the gym before i work my full time job and then come home to make my family a home cooked meal.  Play with their dolls, read 2 books and have them bathed and in their beds before 8:30pm.  How do these mom's do it?  Tell me, is there a drug i can take?  Does this even happen anymore?

Ah, someday, my family. Someday i will have my shit together.

Julianna's Jabbers

• Dis (For "this" or any  other word she doesn't know how to articulate yet)
• Uuuuh-Oooh (when something falls)
• Beelll-uuhh (When she's looking for Bella around the house)
• Pup-pup (for puppy or Bruno specifically)
• Boh-no (for Bruno)
• Papa!!! (for food. we call it pa-pa)
• Des (sounds like "Dis" but means yes)
•  I do! I do! (she wants to do everything on her own now)
• Wooowww!

She is a doll and we love her so much!

Bella's Babbles

As Bobby and I are preparing to add another sweet darling face to our beautiful collection of gorgeous babies, Isabella has been growing up on us.  Her speech is of course much better and she is discovering new words daily.  But what keeps us laughing are the phrases she puts together and just the thought process of her little 3 year old mind.  Here are some that have kept us laughing for weeks:

• When i explained to Isabella that she may not have a baby brother but another baby sister instead, she says: "So we can take this one back? Or did you pay for it already?" as she points to little Julianna.
• "Mama, i am so soakin tired!" or "Mama, i am so soakin hungry!" or "Mama, i love you so soakin much!" She hasn't figured out that that term only makes sense when you say "soakin wet"
• Me: "Bella thank you for helping me!" Isabella: "So much mama." She doesn't get yet that we say "You're welcome" she thinks the correct term is "So much" I think she got this from, "Bella i love you so much!" Isabella: "So much mama!"
• Nana Sarah: "Isabella do you know your address?" Isabella: "My wedding dress!?!"
• "Mama, i love dada so much! He is sooo handsome. He's my husband and we're going to get married!"

I'll stop there for now.  But i'm sure i can go back and pull some more out! She keeps us laughing!

My pants are getting tighter

It's true. They are.  I wish i could post a picture to show you.  But i'm not brave enough.

The phrase, "Just because it zips, doesn't mean it fits" is coming to mind.

Ho hum.

gettin there

Time is running out to see my two little girls running down the halls of our very first home.  I love to hear them conversing (mostly fighting) in the playroom.  Some of my best phrases are: "Julie, do you want to go play in my room?" and "Jules! Noooo! Stop pulling my hair!" and "Ok Juju, you wear this hat and I'll wear this dress, ok Juju?" And from Julianna: "Uuuuhh-oooh."  "Pup Pup"  "Beellll-uuuh....Bell-uh?"

I hope these days do not fade quickly from my memory.  The days our family of four all slept in one bedroom-Julianna in her pack-in-play (or our bed) and Isabella on her toddler cot (or our bed).  The days we do not have to climb stairs to crawl into bed.  The days where their bedrooms were just additional play rooms.

We have been busy packing up the house little by little.  We take breaks.  We take breaks a lot.  Our breaks last longer than our non-breaks.  Hmph.  I hate moving.  I hate packing and i hate unpacking.  I hate being so excited about the next big chapter in our lives only to be depressed about our lives changing once the time nears.

But i do love hearing Bella say, "Mama, are they still working on my new house?  When do we go again? Me and Juju are going to have the same room?"  I love that Bobby has done everything he can to get us into the place we so longed to live.  I love all the decorating plans i have in mind for the new home.  And i especially love how i will feel once we move in and are settled.  It will feel like our home and not like we are passing by.  I never felt that way in our current home.  I would make home improvements for the resale value only.  I knew it would only be our temporary home.  Even with all the memories, I knew we would walk away from it one day.  So we are gettin there...